No one ever uses this thing anymore!  Even though there is a strong chance no one I know will read this...oh well haha.

So thankful the first semester of College is over and all my 16 hours have been passed and approved.  I was worried about my US history class because supposedly here for certain classes if you make a D, the credit doesn't go over and you have to completely retake the stupid class...but thank God that's not the case for this one!!!  My grades weren't too pretty but whatever...I got 3 A's, 1 B, 1 C, and a D...I'm just relieved I don't have to take it over again.  Next semester I'll be taking 12 hours, so that should be even better!  I finally quit my job at Java Junction because I wasn't getting enough hours anymore.  Hopefully I will get one at one of the places I applied at!  I really want to move out of my house.  For those of you that don't know, I commute to Texas State University in San Marcos, which is about a 25-30 minute drive...and it takes even longer to get on campus because you have to park in a commuter parking lot and then ride a bus, lol.  Not to mention having a lot of problems at home with the Mom.  Bleh.  It's an everyday struggle with her.  Patrick doesn't want to move out of his house (I don't blame him, he's got it made!) so I'm not sure what I'll end up doing my sophomore year.  Just gotta work at the grades next semester and try to keep a steady job at the same time.  Man, I always think about the future and it sucks because not a lot of people really can relate.     I Love thinking about getting engaged someday and what the next couple years hold with hopefulness, and I'm tired of trying to hold that in, DAMNIT!  I hope someday if I have a daughter, she isn't such a C.H.R...closet hopeless romantic...hahaha, for her sake of course...and if I have a son, he is, not a C.H.R., but a H.R.  So, tonight I will briefly come out of my hopeless romantic closet, metaphorically speaking.  Nowadays there are very few men (lol, men) at least my age who are old-fashioned in that sense and who are ready to "settle-down"...but there are some and I will give them that...and to all of them who have struggled for the girl they Love, and given their whole selves, don't ever give up, you're not alone.  What's the point of being in a relationship if not of having that gut feeling that this is the "one"...?  Will someone please explain that to me?  I personally chose not to date because of this.  Of course I met Patrick and all that changed.  If I could have been born in a different time era, it would have to be the 50's.  Not because of the clothes people wore, or just the feeling people nowadays see it as, but for the way people Loved.  My Grandma passed away a month ago and if my Pawpaw could have taken her place, without a single ounce of doubt in my body, he would have.  He is the most patient, gentle, hardworking, loving man I have ever been at the grace of being able to have in my life.  For over a decade he has been there when we all thought she would surely pass, but she was strong and held on.  For the past 4 years straight, he was at her bedside doing anything and everything he could possibly do to make her life happy and as full as it could be.  He stayed up in the middle of the night when she would wake up having coughing spells holding her, bathed her, went shopping for her, day after day, and not once complained.  He is who I look up to, and is what gives me so much of my hope.  After 50 years, he Loved her to death, literally.  If I could ever give advice to the opposite sex, it would be this.  Even though some say nice guys finish last...they save the best for last...and those who struggle and go through hell to get there, most surely will be rewarded in the end.  By God, if that is what is waiting for myself, I will be the most fucking patient person in the world.  Those of you who know me, know I will not cuss unless I mean it, and I truly mean that.  I have gone way off topic, if there ever was one...probably why I got a B in english.  Hmmm well I better get off of here...I will be backkk.   

"I remember who you used to be
the laughter we share
and wonder what you have become.
Where are you now,
Where did you go,
When the body is left behind
and the spirit is released to fly?

Perhaps you are the morning bird
singing joyfully at sunrise,
or the butterfly that dances
so carelessly on the breeze
or the rainbow of colors
that brightens a stormy sky
or the fingers of afternoon mist
delicately reaching over the mountains
or the final few rays of the setting sun
lighting up the skies
edging the clouds with a magical glow.

I miss your being
but I feel your presence,
In whatever form you choose to take,
however you now choose to be.

Your spirit has become for me
a guardian angel on high
guiding, advising, and watching over me.

I remember you.
You are with me
and I am not afraid."

-In Loving Memory of Rada Carter

"Do you ever wonder how somebody could even like you? The biggest problem in our marriage is that she wants me around. And I can't even accept that? I don't think I can accept pure love."                   -Knocked Up